Yu Do It Again and Ill Stab You in the Face With a Soldering Iron
ane. They are not happy for your accomplishments.
When y'all mention your success, your friend's confront goes automatically sour. She may look like she's eaten an unabridged lemon as she struggles to say congratulations. Or you lot receive a totally blank facial expression and no response at all, just a stare. She may even attempt to "1-up" yous by mentioning her accomplishments chop-chop before you've even finished your judgement. This is the blazon of friend who is never happy for annihilation you do, and is secretly hoping you'll fail and so that she doesn't have to feel so badly about her own life. This is toxic because existent friends gloat each other's accomplishments, and fifty-fifty if there is any jealousy involved, they will put it bated in order to congratulate their friends. Instead of feeling despair at their friends' accomplishments, true friends volition be secure in their ain accomplishments, and thus feel celebratory, inspired, and motivated to better themselves when they hear nigh the accomplishments of others.
2. They covertly put you down.
If you're happy and cheerful for whatever reason, toxic friends discover ways to rain on your parade by introducing little storms and tempests of invalidation, belittlement, and degradation. These are oft disguised every bit "helpful" or "honest" comments that really have no value at all except to make you experience less proud of yourself. They say things like, "Oh, anyone could've done that," when yous mention something you accomplished or, "That'south not a existent major," when you mention your academic concentration. They too seem sadistically happy when yous're declining or when you're going through a hard time. This is a sign that something is seriously wrong with them. Real friends don't attempt to criticize or put down people only for the pleasure of making someone seem small. Merely junior people do that in social club to elevate themselves. If you can't be your greatest, authentic cocky around your friends without existence constantly demeaned by them, and so they're not your true friends. They're malignant bullies and narcissists. Get it straight and know the difference.
three. They emotionally frazzle yous.
Take you lot ever had this experience? You're on the telephone with a friend. You lot ask your friend how she's doing, and find yourself being "talked at" rather than "talked to" for hours on end — and this consistently seems to happen all the time. Every bit you finally get your adventure to speak, your friend of a sudden needs to get off the telephone because she is now and then tired from all the "talking."
Sure, we all have to vent sometimes and talk about ourselves. Certain situations warrant this blazon of beliefs — such equally a breakup, a loss in the family, or whatever other traumatic result. However, if this happens quite often and yous rarely go a chance to accept a reciprocal conversation with a person, you're interim as their audience to a monologue and non as a friend. You as well deserve to be listened to and deserve to talk about whatsoever issues in your life. Don't let these toxic friends convince you lot otherwise. Stand for yourself and tell them this is an issue. If they continue to exercise this despite you establishing that boundary, it'southward time to forfeit the friendship altogether.
These toxic friends drain you and your ability to engage in self-care because they are emotional vampires whose only focus is them, their lives, their wants and needs. You don't exist, or if you exercise, you just exist in relation to them. For example, if a friend hears your traumatic story and uses information technology to turn the conversation back to her life constantly, this is a red flag for narcissism, and then exist careful. Existent friends would listen to your story and make sure to give y'all feedback that is helpful to you before turning the chat back to them. Stay away from whatever people with whom you don't feel there is an equal, reciprocal exchange of chat, validation, compassion, and respect.
four. They are there for your good times, and never for the bad.
I mentioned in #one that you should stay away from people who don't celebrate your accomplishments. 1 caveat though: lookout out for toxic friends who are just in that location to piggyback on your success. These friends just appear when you're doing very well, and rarely show up when you lot need them during hardships. They apply your presence to acquaintance themselves with you, for the sole purpose of seeming more important via affiliation to your success. Or they savour your presence only when you're in a skilful mood and they need you. Otherwise, when you have a health scare, or someone in your family has an accident, they are nowhere to exist found. Existent friends assistance each other through tough times and are there for each other fifty-fifty when times are challenging.
5. They're not emotionally responsive, validating, or helpful.
What is the point of having friends if they can't even answer to your emotions? If you lot notice yourself dealing with a friend whom you can have nifty intellectual conversations with, simply but hear the sounds of crickets when y'all tell them yous've had a bad day or you just had a breakup, this friendship is a no-go. Experience costless to keep those type of people for your LinkedIn, only non for your existent life crises. At most, they are a professional or academic connection because all they can do is talk near things related to the mind but non the heart. Sure, some situations lead to a loss for words, but friends should be capable of bones emotional back up, even if information technology'southward a hug and the words, "I am here for you." If your friend happens to be very emotionally invalidating, constantly telling yous to "become over it" or gets aroused at y'all expressing your emotions, leave them forever and don't give them access to your life in whatsoever way. They don't deserve to exist your friend. Real friends validate each other's emotions while withal empowering each other'southward personal growth.
6. They don't stand up for yous.
When an outsider or common friend makes a snide or insulting annotate about you or does something hostile or horrific to you right in front of these toxic friends, y'all rarely see these toxic friends jumping to the rescue. They don't abet on your behalf even if they are the only ones who tin. They don't support yous when you near need it. Existent friends come to each others' aid; they don't have to "pick sides" in order to point out wrongdoing and consider your feelings. And also, when did we go and then resistant to "picking sides"? Why shouldn't friends abet for victims or call out inappropriate behavior when they see it? These toxic friends will more likely either stay silent or even participate in the belittling behavior on your behalf. That's when you know it'due south time to stop making excuses and stop defending people who won't defend y'all.
7. Their ego is bigger than their bail to you and they attempt to put a shade on your light.
These types of friends are extremely egotistic, jealous and they will practise whatever it takes to maintain their mirage of grandeur. For case, they might decline to compliment you when you lot're all dressed up, but compliment someone next to yous who is wearing sweats and a t-shirt. They might put upwardly pictures of themselves on social media with other friends, but avoid putting upwards pictures of you and them together because they call back you outshine them in some way. Or they may hide or belittle your accomplishments to others while they brag about their ain. These are superficial friends who can't stand up having someone outsmart them or exist prettier than them. Real friends appreciate each other's unique beauty, intelligence and charisma. They don't attempt to obscure your light in the darkness simply considering of their ain place in the shade.
8. They only communicate through the screen.
For this, I am referring only to "offline" friends who you have met face up-to-confront with. I know there are many online friendships that are built through supportive forums and I don't hateful to diminish the value of those. Withal, for friendships that developed face-to-face and for friends who live within a reasonable distance of each other, there's no reason that both people in the friendship would make an effort to meet each other in real life occasionally. You know, pace away from the messenger and Facebook once in a while to really brand a face-to-face connectedness when possible. Be very wary of any friends who don't take time to run across you, but seem to have all the fourth dimension in the globe to exist wrapped upwardly in their new boyfriend 24/7.
These are non your existent friends. These are buddies constantly talking to you through a screen, and electronic communication is often a cop-out for emotionally unavailable people. If these friends emotionally exhaust yous as well, they accept no place in your real life or even on your messenger list. You might as well be engaging with the wall, although the wall will probably exist more sympathetic and won't hurt your feelings. Think of it this way: you're wasting energy on these toxic people by constantly engaging with them online because they won't grace you with their presence offline. They have shown you lot they don't accept time to do a uncomplicated meet and greet by taking a step outside, so why should you hurt your eyes or strain your fingers for them? Real friends make the try to encounter in person; emotional vampires, like real vampires, can't stand the daylight and adopt the light of the computer screen.
nine. They're too busy for everything and anything.
Related to #8, if your friend is constantly always too busy to encounter you or make any blazon of contact, particularly in the midst of a crisis, run, don't walk away from the friendship. Yes, people have jobs, lives, and relationships to bargain with. Nobody can always exist in that location for you every time you need it. That's all fine and dandy, but if a friend rarely even follows up on how you're doing when y'all really demand them and plays this "too decorated" game consistently, this friend needs to get the door slammed in his or her face the side by side time he or she comes around looking for any attention.
Also, thanks to technological advancement, social media has made information technology quite easy to appraise whether these friends are truly "busy" or truly bullshitting. If you see your friend challenge to be too busy to telephone call you during a crunch but posting statuses or liking people's posts on social media all the time, you have farther confirmation that this friend is not a real 1. Thanks, Facebook and Twitter for the caput'south upwards!
10. Betrayal, breaking boundaries and boldness.
I saved this for last but it's the most important. If your friend disrespects you past: beingness flaky, multiple cancellations, chasing after or flirting with your significant other, calling you names, cursing at y'all, bullying you, coercing you, making you lot cry during an already crude fourth dimension by being insensitive, pressuring you to exercise something, gossiping about you, or treating you with annihilation less than respect or consideration — it's time to take your fabulous cocky out the door. There will exist plenty of people in the world who won't make you experience that mode, so why non save your energy and invest in something that will take a positive return?
Life is manner too short to waste our energy on toxic people, whether they be friends or romantic partners. Learn to recognize these signs and you lot volition pave a ameliorate path to a healthier life, amend back up system, and more meaningful too as authentic relationships. Once you've experienced an authentic friendship with dearest, care, compassion and respect, I guarantee you'll never desire to go dorsum to one with the absence of these qualities. 
Want more writing similar this? Read the bookPower: Surviving and Thriving Subsequently Narcissistic Abuse past Shahida Arabi.
"Shahida Arabi is ahead of our time. I couldn't take been in a darker place in my life when I found this volume, after suffering at the hands of an abuser who was likewise a narcissist. This book gives you hope above all else, and it'south easily relateable if you have gone through corruption. Arabi is a talented, strong, real force of nature kind of writer. I have learned, survived and thrived in the fourth dimension that I have made this purchase." – Desiree
Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2014/07/10-habits-of-extremely-toxic-friends-and-why-youre-better-off-without-them/
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